Kaya Cassan- www.accidentalbitch.com

Accidental Bitch is Available on Kindle for $3.99!

2011-03-29T10:58:00.001-07:00

Available Now in the Kindle Store!

"How to Explain Your Natural Hair to Your Oldschool Grandmother."

2011-03-28T08:59:00.000-07:00

The latest Video!

Open Letter to Chris Brown

2011-03-24T10:27:00.000-07:00

I thought this letter was very interesting. And, something men and women of all ages and backgrounds should take a look at...

Read On:

The Confusing Condescending Jerk Supervisor Who Pretends to Like You!

2011-03-11T09:36:00.000-08:00

This is my latest video. I had so much fun writing it. I haven't worked in a traditional office environment in over a year but I tapped back into my prior experiences and had some great tips from my friends who dislike their supervisors. Pure Comedy!

I hope you enjoy it!

The 7-year itch is now the 3-year glitch

2011-03-09T09:51:00.000-08:00

This was a very interesting article in Reuters about relationships and how the "7 year itch" has accelerated to the "3 year glitch." It's just another story indicating that it takes time, patience, friendship, partnership and commitment to really withstand the varied weather relationships can bring.

Read on....

Amanda Hocking Is a Inspiration

2011-03-04T05:12:00.000-08:00

I think every writer in the world needs to read this success story about Amanda Hocking. She took her dream, made it reality, and made money doing it! She completely inspired me and it really applies to everyone with a craft. Just do it! Work on it! Use social media and see how it grows.

The Article

Stop Talking To Me About EVERYTHING That Is Wrong With You!

2011-02-28T16:12:00.000-08:00

This video was pretty much a continued out cry from my last blog post. There is really and truly a art form to a conversation. And, a conversation with a energy vampire will leave you spent. I almost exhausted myself creating the video!

Using Silence in the Art of Conversation

2011-02-20T14:48:00.000-08:00

A conversation is a dialogue between two people. I have been in a few conversations as of late that have inspired this blog. I realized that, “I can’t get a word in.” I mean I honestly have to scream to “break in” on the “convo” like we are playing conversation double dutch which is completely exhausting.

I have a friend whom I love. I completely adore her but in her mind the world actually orbits her. If she breaks a nail the moon will actually fall out of the sky and she will call me. And, the minute I see her calling I either completely ignore the call and return it when I have the energy to entertain her. Or, I answer her call, put her on speaker phone and find something else to do while she goes on and on about her toe nail polish.

It baffles me that she doesn’t get annoyed by my rebuttals of “uh huh,” “wow,” and “really,” “no way.” But, I realized the conversation is not about me. I am a tree. I am a blank wall. I am her sounding board.

It gets annoying. I doubt she knows what I have done in the last 2 years. But, I am really concerned about her dating life. Most men do not want to be talked to death. Men like to feel free. They are generally scared of being cornered in general and being cornered in a conversation with no way out is like a nightmare for them.

Silence is an excellent component in the art of conversation. Use silence in general conversation because it allows the other person to get in a word. And, it allows the other person an opportunity to get out of the conversation in case they are tired of talking. There is a lot of energy transferred in it. One of my biggest pet peeves is the way a person will speak a MILE a minute. The entire conversation revolves around them, their needs, and their dramas which will deplete you and leave you spent.

And, if you are a person who finds that you do not take a breathe between words in your dialogue with friends and loved ones…give them a break. Let them tell you about their new toe nail polish or the story about the poodle they saw pull people out of a burning building. It’s ok. You will get your chance.

#I’m just saying…

Every day is Valentine’s Day

2011-02-14T10:25:00.000-08:00

In my book every day is a day to acknowledge and celebrate love. And, it is not all about the man-woman, significant-other-kind of love. Love is love. Celebrating your day with your mother, best friend, dog, and goldfish or alone doesn’t make you any less a whole loved person. Just be thankful to be able to share the day with someone or alone.

I love Valentine’s Day and I can honestly say for the last two years I have been disappointed on this day. But, I take it in stride. I had a whole bunch of beautiful days this year that over shadow any disappointment felt on this day.

This is a day for players to get caught. Most men can not handle the juggle so if your boo shows up at your door at 10pm or tries to rush you through a “early” dinner…then he may have doubled booked. He may have another girl. But, don’t jump to conclusion. It could be his mother he is taking out. There are exceptions. LOL!

But, if you find out your boo went out with his ex, Susan, or that girl at his job. It’s ok. Put it in your mental rolodex and keep it moving. Continue to empower yourself, continue to create the life you want and continue to remember that people are human. And, human beings make mistakes. And, often the pain associated with their mistakes will help stir you in a better direction. You dig?

So, enjoy, fall in love, get engaged, watch a movie, go to the park with your dog…Just have a blast because you are being celebrated. You are love. Have a beautiful day!

Natural Hair Stereotypes Answered

2011-02-11T07:39:00.000-08:00

I swear these xtranormal videos are a part of my therapy.

Purple Floral Cloth Earrings

2011-02-01T07:08:00.001-08:00

I was thinking about spring when I made these...

Lady Gaga is a Vegan, Not A Vegetarian. There Is A Difference

2011-01-26T08:21:00.000-08:00

African Print Earrings...

2011-01-24T13:10:00.000-08:00

I am in love with these earrings.

Find them here on etsy.com.

Please Stop Talking to Me About Your Boyfriend

2011-01-21T05:29:00.000-08:00

Do you have friends who constantly bombard you with draining, exhausting stories about their ex, soon-to-be-ex, or current boyfriend? Do you feel like you are hearing the same story over and over again? “I found a number in his car.” “Why hasn’t he called me in 5 days?” “I saw him with another woman.” “His mother hates me.”

Sometimes it’s the same scenario with the same guy or just the same situation with another guy. Either way, it can be annoying. I know because I have been this annoying friend. Sometimes we just can’t see what we are doing. Love is more powerful than cocaine. And, as we all know both habits are hard to kick.

Studies show that when we grieve we like to do it among other women and children. It is natural for us to lay our burdens on our sister’s shoulders. But, remember your friends never want to see you hurt. They love you. And, you are hurting your friends by letting them see you actively destroy your self esteem and self worth. It’s almost like watching your sister walk into a train. Keep in mind we are all connected.

Getting your feelings out is imperative to healing. BUT, if you speak about the same issue constantly, it will lead to depression. Talk about it; then, drop it and find another outlet. Dance. Yoga. Prayer. Spending time in nature. Taking a trip. Dating another guy. Starting a project. These activities will all lead to a nice distraction for the heavy hearted.

Your Married Boss Is Trying to Date You, Huh?

2011-01-20T06:10:00.000-08:00

It is always troublesome when your boss or supervisor is pursuing you romantically. It is a Human Resources nightmare and just doesn’t feel comfortable in a working environment. But, it happens all the time. Most people meet and marry at the job. I have worked in settings where the women were far more aggressive than the men. There were times were I had to remind myself I was at work and not at a bar. People forget the ramifications of what happens if the relationship doesn’t work out. You have to see them every day.

I am against dating at work and extra against dating your boss. It’s flattering if you are single and the guy on the third floor in marketing has his eye on you. But, if he is your supervisor and works directly next to you-No!

And, if you have no attraction and you want to barf in your mouth at each advance it may annoy you to the point of not wanting to come to work. This is when you need an intervention.

There are several ways to approach this.

Tip number one: Completely ignore him or her. If he asks you out simply say no and change the subject. Abruptly change the subject. Just say no and then mention the weather. And, if the brave hearted supervisor emails you. Do not respond.

Tip number two: Tell the person you are not interested. Explain that you only want a working relationship with him or her. Dating your boss is like dating your neighbor or landlord.

Tip number three: Go to human resources and file a complaint. If that doesn’t stop him from trying you nothing will.

The Trials of Dating with Natural Hair

2011-01-18T10:52:00.000-08:00

I have had natural hair since the 90s. I recently straighten it and have notice that I have began to attract a different "type" of man. I am not saying it's a upgrade. But, it's definitely something new. If you have natural hair...you know what I'm talking about. LOL!

It Has Been A Long Time

2011-01-17T08:34:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in two years. Shameful. But, I am back and working on new projects. I now have a youtube channel. And, of course with the rest of civilization facebook page. And, you can always follow me on twitter!

I am excited.

Check out my latest dating parody. It is hilarious!

How to Avoid Dating Your Married Boss:

Trust Find Me

2009-12-19T08:37:00.000-08:00

I recently read a blog about trust. It was written by a woman I don’t know. But, somehow the connections was instant. I know she has nappy hair. I know she has brown skin. I know she doesn’t eat meat. And, I know she is from a place filled and surrounded with water. And, I know she has a kind heart that she protects.

Protecting my heart is something I learned to do. I use to throw it out like a fishing net and allow whatever kind of fish, friend, prince, cousin, liar, do-gooder, Christian, atheist, yogi or sister-brother like jump aboard. And, I would give them all a swim. Freely. Just to see the outcome. Just to determine if I had a “rider.” Just for the connection of life, love, people, culture, and newness.

Yes, I was a people person…But, something has happened. Something has died. That light I shined for the world is now dim. I hide her with umbrellas and walls. I am the National Guard. This little lighted heart of mine will always be mine. She doesn’t go out to fish. She never leaves home with out her hat, shoes, and gloves. Never exposed and always prepared for a detached outcome. Because I never believe what people say to me.
Because in the past people have hurt me knowingly and unknowingly. It is something that is unstoppable as the sun. It is called living so who am I to blame. All I can do is react.

But, this woman’s blog got me. She pegged me. She put me center stage and made me realize everyone feels this way. Trust is a hard pill to swallow. But, a choice must be made. Do I trust? Or, do I guard? Surprisingly 99.9% of my acquaintances have no idea I don’t trust them.

They have no idea that if I ask a favor I have already asked at least 3 others. They have no idea I am always ready for a negative or positive outcome. If I am loving a man, I have another warming a bench. If I have a job, I have two other hustles in the myst. If I want to go anywhere or do anything it will be done partnered or alone.

Either way, it gets done, and I rarely get hurt with each outcome. But, there is a part of me that doesn’t believe this is a reflection of life and love. Why can’t I be vulnerable?
Why can’t I believe what I’ve been told? I blame it on experience and age.

But, I still have those golden moments. When trust finds me and I give a part of me to another. I do it. Every once in awhile and the action makes me cry. It takes my age and subtracts it by two decades. I feel protected. I feel my inner child which is scary but amazing. Most importantly I feel alive, free, less weathered and closer to love in its purest essence.

Fashion Fights Cancer Event in Atlanta, GA

2009-11-20T04:29:00.000-08:00

This is a great event. I went to the one in Orlando, Florida two years ago.
Follow the link:

Is LOL the New Communication Buffer?

2009-10-16T19:45:00.000-07:00

Laugh Out Loud (LOL) is an acronym constantly used via text, email, and of course facebook. I often use it, and abuse it within the contexts of my personal and business communications. As of late, I have begun to use it as a “buffer.” I often use it in the beginning, and or end of a gentle personal or professional critic.

If my beau fails to call me back in a timely manner; I will use it. I will text things like, “Hey, did you get my call? I was on my way to Milan. LOL.” But, I really want to say, “Why didn’t you call me back? What is more important than me?”

Or, if I am asking a direct question, but not trying to sound pushy I will use it: “I am really on a tight deadline. Can you drop off the research books this year? LOL?” I truly want to say, “If you want me to finish this story for your company you are going to have to bring me adequate research. I need the books today.”

But, for some reason, I like to beat around the bush and pussyfoot about what I really want. I’m not sure if it’s right or wrong. All the gender study books advise that it is just the conditioned nature of a woman to not ask and be coy about what she desires. That is precisely why women still make less than men in the same job. But, there are millions of men who do it as well. We all use it in some form or fashion.

I thought LOL was working very well for me. It really is the ultimate communication buffer. I typically get what I want when I use it, but I’m beginning to think maybe I will get a better response being upfront and detached from the rejection associated with the answer NO. The more I self analyze, I realize I am always laughing about something in general conversation. But, my laughter warms up when I am nervous or shy. I will even laugh if I am at a loss of words or upset.

I met with a colleague recently and she said she wishes more people would ask for what they want. Time would be less wasted and people would know what direction to take their personal and business ambitions. Her words struck me. Should I let go of the LOL buffer I so graciously use in my communication dealings?

I believe there is a time and place for LOL. It is my communication blankie but as I mature and my life grows I find that being direct may be a better route in some instances … LOL!

The Saving of a Friendship

2009-10-11T13:35:00.000-07:00

I have a best friend that I love. She is like a sister. We are very close. But she is one of the most negative self-defeating human beings I have ever met. We have been friends for almost ten years and initially when we met, we were both young and fun. Well in the last ten years, she has been divorced, unemployed, and damn-near homeless. Her childhood wasn’t the best either. She was abused mentally and sexually so her negative behavior is simply a product of her environment. She has also never searched for help outside of prayer and God.

I am not advising that prayer is not enough. I am advising that you have to pray and add an action. Pray for healing and start to make healthy life decisions. You can’t pray and then turn around and do the same thing every day, week, or year. You cannot pray for weight loss and never change your diet or exercise routine. You cannot pray for a job and never look for one.

My friend believes that love means abuse. She was never taught that abuse does not equal love. The foundation of her life began this way, but it does not have to end this way. And, that is where our disconnection lies. Because I just do not understand it.

I was raised in a love bubble. My family and childhood was great, so oftentimes I feel sorry for her and listen. But, lately my optimism and faith has been shaken. I have issues that I am dealing with and her baggage of negativity leaves me spent and exhausted. I am always the positive person. I always have a great word for someone but when I am feeling down, there is no way I can be around anyone who sucks my energy dry.

Ultimately, I feel guilty and less of a friend. Because one day she called and I just couldn’t answer the phone. It seemed like a grey cloud covered my cell phone. It was like the music I was listening to stopped. My lights flickered. I could feel my resistance. I was so tired of hearing her “same story, different smell” sagas. Her complaints about life and the things she constantly does over and over again. She loves the wrong men. She eats the wrong food and surrounds herself with negative people. But, she wants and prays for positive outcomes.

So, one day I called her. She asked me why I hadn’t returned her calls. She told me I was a bad friend and I began to cry. I told her I loved her so much that I could not talk to her or hear her stories of self-abuse. It is like seeing your child run into traffic. I advised her I would help her with anything in this life, but I will not tolerate her constant negative affirmations and her need for advice about her habitual negative lifestyle.

Our relationship has improved. I will not say she has cut back on her self-defeating behavior but I know she never talks to me about it. When she and I talk, we discuss solutions and progress not drama. Although we have grown apart in many ways, we are still close and beginning to redefine our friendship to last well into our 90s.

Would you date a guy who gets his eyebrows done?

2009-06-06T03:08:00.000-07:00

Read My Story
Eyebrow Threading for Men

Acne, Hormones, B5, and Starches

2009-06-03T06:47:00.000-07:00

Check out my article about clearing up acne. Very refreshing!

Acne, Hormones, B5, and Starches

Best

The First Chapter of Accidental Bitch

2009-05-24T15:32:00.000-07:00

Chapter 1: Anger Don’t Burn Down the House - Create an Empire
“An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”
–Gandhi

Anger may be one of the best emotions to have when channeled in a positive direction. It has started revolutions, protests, new laws, entrepreneurship, and world brilliance. Anger is defined as: a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.

Were you wronged by your beau? If so, how do you want to channel your pain? Think wisely because anger can land you in jail or in a negative situation. There is nothing wrong with anger if used properly.

Remember it is natural to get angry. Anger is good energy to transform, but it must be channeled properly. This is a high octane, action emotion that can drive you to start different exciting endeavors to feel better. Once you get to the anger stage, you are liable to conquer world hunger. You are on fire and that energy can lead you to start your own business, go to school, write a really good book, get a promotion, gain or lose weight, focus more on your children and family. It forces you into transition; therefore, in order to work your anger, you have to start a project. You have to start something that will distract you from him. Find a feel good project to start.

All of the great parenting books advise in order to keep children on the correct track; they must have distractions such as after school activities like ballet, sports, music, and the arts. Children who participate in these activities often have a strong sense of self-esteem and do well in school. This doesn’t stop when you get older. It’s imperative to have other activities besides the necessities of life. Work is not enough. Being a mother is not enough. Being a wife is not enough. Find new and inventive ways to distract yourself.

Take a day and think about something you have always wanted to do but kept on hold. The idea is to create something that is all yours:

- Start a hobby (paint, write, art is always healing)

- Go to school or get an interior design certificate

- Start a new and improved job

- Start your own company or business

- Volunteer

- Join a church

- Write a book

- Start a website about the many uses of nail polish

- Try to gain or lose weight

- Start a garden

I would suggest disciplining yourself and creating a schedule to follow every day. Simply, insert your new endeavors and create time for them in your life and you will see how things turn around. This is a better alternative than retaliating with your anger. Do not burn down the house because you found another woman’s bobby pin, underwear, or ponytail holder in his bathroom.

Do not do anything hasty because there are a few women in jail or dead behind using their anger for revenge and destruction. If you have found some other woman’s panties in his dirty clothes hamper or some earrings you know are not yours, take a deep breathe. I suggest leaving the scene and waiting a full 24 hours before you confront your beau. You can learn a lot in 24 hours. That will give you time to calm down, center yourself, and sustain control.

I regret to say that your best bet will be to break it off because whatever answers he gives you will more than likely be a fib. During my wonder years, I had a boyfriend who went through a cheating spell. I found underwear in his apartment along with a pair of jeans and a cute little fuzzy sweater. In my rage, I cut up her jeans and sweater into tiny weenie pieces. I was not touching the underwear.

In retrospect, I realize, there are women who specialize in leaving their clothes at your man’s house to tip you off. God bless these women because they really are doing you a favor. But at that moment of my rage, I did not see all of that. I did not see how the other woman was actually helping me. It was my first experience with reverse girl power. And, I must say, if you find a woman’s clothes at his office or home destroy her clothes not him. Plus, if you mess up her clothes, she probably won’t leave anything else of value again.

To continue, I asked him about the underwear and while sweat poured down his shocked face, he quickly stated, “Lisa across the street’s water went out so she had to take a shower over here and she probably left it.”

He played the Good Samaritan card. Normally, when I man gets caught like this, he will advise that his sister, cousin, or neighbor left her things behind. This could be true. This could be false. Whatever the outcome is: stay calm.

“But, why did she put it in your dirty clothes, and not just take it home,” I angrily asked.

“I don’t know why she did that, I was just being nice,” he advised.

I am thinking, Lisa is a size 13, and the found underwear is a size 6. Now, I am mad because he really thinks I am dumb.

“Well, let me call Lisa and apologize for cutting up her clothes,” I stated knowing he would say no.

In which he did, and was very nice for the rest of the afternoon. Now, I knew he was lying but instead of arguing, I decided to let him think I was really that dumb. In that moment my love faded, my wall came back up and I started to consider him last for everything in my life.

There is no need for yelling and vengeance. If a man needs his freedom, give it to him. Lashing out violently, or taking a baseball bat to destroy every tangible object he loves will not change the fact that he is cheating. It will only pull you further into his mess. You are a beautiful Goddess deserving of all things lovely, and you do not have time to waste on a man who needs more than your love. Take the loss and move on.

Besides, most women know when their man is cheating; there is always a change in his behavior or excuses that arrive in and out of the moon. If he is cheating, you will find out. Don’t go out and look for it; it will come to you

For example, Veronica, a colleague of mine, had a hunch that her husband was cheating. The hunch came from one of her co-workers who told her she saw him out to dinner with another woman. This is before camera phones, so she really could not prove it. As a result, the information lay dormant in Veronica’s mind for about two weeks.

But, then the idea started eating her up inside, the tip brought up high suspicion and she began to look for clues. She became a mad woman. She would take off of work and rent cars to stake out in and to follow him around town. Consequently, she began to neglect her other ambitions and goals and became obsessed with “catching him.” One day, Veronica was at home and got a call from one of her friends telling her about a young woman who recently died in a car accident.

The sad thing is that this woman died because she was chasing her husband who was in the car with his other woman. She lost control of the car and both she and her baby died. She and her baby did not die because her husband wanted to have an affair. They died because mama handled it wrong - she was out of control. Her pain and hurt lead her to such rage that she neglected herself and drove her car to her death.

Veronica decided to stop being a mad woman behind this woman’s story. My example is to show that we need not look for clues to “catch him” or hire private investigators because the truth will come out when you least expect it. Please do not follow him, show up at his house at 2 am, destroy his car or tell his mother about what he is doing to you. The energy you use in doing that will take you away from your personal goals or time you can use to pamper yourself. If a man wants to cheat, leave him and let him be who he wants to be because he really is not your man.

And, do not take it personal. It is not your fault. I honestly believe that some people are habitual cheaters. It is like a sport or a game. He may love his mate with all his heart, but still cheat for whatever metaphysical, physical, or emotional reason. Just let him be who he wants to be. Not everyone is supposed to live happily ever after together.

- Kaya Cassan

Copyright © February 2009, Kaya Cassan

Where You Can Find My Book

2009-04-12T09:15:00.000-07:00

You can also find Accidental Bitch on Kindle.com, mobipocket.com, sugarandspicepress.net, and cyberread.com.

Thanks for all of your support!

Rap

2009-04-07T15:50:00.000-07:00

I accidentally became this way
And I don’t know if angels can still find me
And see through the guard I have built
Because I didn’t know how free love can be
Detachable love is like swimming with dolphins for a moment
Cherishing the swim is key
Not holding because that makes hearts bleed
My prayer is that you can still find me
And at least see the love in the food I cook for you
And the smile I have inside that I hide
A Gangsta I proclaim
But everyone knows thugs fall hard
like rain

Kaya Cassan

The Dissing

2009-03-22T18:46:00.000-07:00

I got dissed, quit, let go, fired, and cancelled. And, within my cockiness and idea that I am every woman, I completely understand. I’ll give a reader’s digest version of the relationship for back ground purposes. I met him. We were both cute. So, we started dating. Took our time and drove slowly. It was fun. It kind of reminded me of freshmen year.

But, I had signs. He was still hooked on his ex. She came up in many conversations, but 80% of the time in a negative light so I figured it was over. She had a tribe of kids, never had any money, messed with his friends, didn’t work, always needed attention…totally draining…blah blah blah. Plus, whenever we went out and if she saw us; I got the ninth grade gas face from her. It was hilarious but I loved it.

The next sign was that he lived with his parents. That pretty much means he doesn’t like change and/or has a fear of it. This is where my independence and cockiness probably hurt me. I live on my own and have been since I was 17 years old. I have two degrees. I have lived in more than six cities and I believe in myself. I have the heart of a lion and just know I can fly if I put my mind too it.

And, my sweet beau never left his home town, dislikes his job, and pretty much has a circle of friends who are all in the same boat. I never stood a chance. I was an outcast of what was comfortable for him.

And, I have tried to blame her. I have tried every way to be mad at her. I’ve told my self she was vindictive, conniving, a user, a hater, and she is all those things, but he allowed it. He actually needed it. There is no way I could have become the needy woman he needed. Unfortunately, subconsciously, I believe I made him feel less of a man. Or, he just didn't like me...LOL...

Therefore, when I got the call and he told me he was leaving me for his ex. I totally understood. It made sense. She needed him. I wanted him. Those are two variant actions. She needed him for money, rides, someone to help her take care of her children. She was competing for her livelihood. And, I just wanted to love him and competing for the intangible.

But, I am staying up!

The Accidental Bitch is Here!

2009-03-15T11:40:00.000-07:00

Accidental Bitch is Available!

It can be purchased at: www.accidentalbitch.com
The Accidental Bitch is not a self help book. It is a self preservation book. You may not find love, but you also won’t get hurt playing in the fields of it. According to Dictionary.com, an accident is defined as: an undesirable or unfortunate happening that occurs unintentionally and usually results in harm, injury, damage, or loss; casualty; mishap.

Let’s take a car accident for example. No one wants to be in a car accident. And, no one wants to be a bitch. But, circumstances may lead us other wise. Loving someone is often like driving a car. You will go places. But, you have to take precautions; check your mirrors; get a tune up; and get your car washed to stay mobile and on the road. We must continue to keep going after the heart breaks and disasters that damage our egos and temples.

Accidental Bitch is designed to keep you balanced within the tumultuous world of dating and relationships. So, don’t feel bad about being a bitch. Just grab your big sunglasses and protect your shit, because you are all you have in the end.

Best,

Kaya Cassan
www.accidentalbitch.com

Distance is a beautiful thing

2008-12-01T16:05:00.000-08:00

Distance. It is a beautiful thing. It is quiet and non-electric. It won’t bring up much but the wind and maybe a nice bath. You will not be there to ask questions or hurt. Or, say things that will bring pain. Or, hear things that will bring it also. It will heal your heart and make her listen. Make her guard love. Make her question before she opens the door and fills that distant gap. Distance is a great simple mystery that although you are away will draw you near. Like cleanliness after a bath or rain.

Distance should be tried in any relationship especially a failing one. So, if you are not getting what you want. Try the silent treatment but beware that it may remain that way.

He asked me why I ask him so many questions?

2008-11-30T17:48:00.001-08:00

I had a revelation. Something happen. I began to take nothing seriously. Nothingness is what I dwell in. I will get there when I can. I will do my best and not cry when I fail. I won’t. I’ll suck it up and go for a walk or run; do something to remind me of the other.

The other being love, beauty, smiles, fond memories, anything to get me through. I know I am where I’m supposed to be; and I don’t like always being funny. I don’t always like smiling. I don’t always want to say sorry or excuse me. I want somebody to come pick me up sometimes. Take me for a ride.

Put your hand back in your pocket. Don’t ask. I don’t have it for you. Because when it gets cold I won’t find you. You’ll be safe and warm and I won’t have any heat or cheese.

I can get deep and it needs to be allowed. I can ask you what I want. He asked me why I ask him so many questions. It’s because I am a woman. It’s because I am a protector. And, in order for me to protect you I need to know how to keep you warm and fed and together. It’s because I went to school for journalism. It’s because my mother and step mother talk and ask more questions than any lawyer or judge I have ever seen on television. It’s because I have PMS. It’s because you don’t tell me you love me. So, I ask. I put you under the gun and you don’t like it. So, I’ll go away and be beautiful somewhere else. Ask someone else questions your ears run from. But, one day you will. You’ll come back with your heart in your hand asking and begging me to revive it. And, I may say no. I doubt it, but I may. And, you’ll ask me why not. And. I’ll say stop asking me some many questions.

What do you do when you date people who date other people?

2008-10-05T11:35:00.000-07:00

In these common situations, you have to leave your heart outside. There will be no getting attached. No getting in a routine. And, no sex. Sex will ruin the whole thing.

I have knowingly and unknowingly dated people who date other people. I am sure I’m doing it now. Or, will in the near future. Honestly, when you meet a man he normally is dealing with someone albeit serious or temporary. He is not spending his nights alone. If you know this drive with caution because you do not want to get in a wreck over this because chances are he will not leave you for her. Not every story ends like Brad and Angie.

But, life is an amazing adventure so you should maintain a sense of friendship. Simply focus on being his friend until the other woman or whatever blows over. Check on him every once in awhile. Be the listening ear. Be the friend his woman isn’t. And, never ever give attitude. Do not cause friction. Pretend to be smurfette and go on with your joyful day. You can always continue dating freely and non-exclusively. But, please do not give up the goodies because you will never be able to maintain your calmness or the friendship.

I have failed at this so many times. So, follow my advice. Shy away from being “too deep” with a guy who is already spoken for.

Where Did All The Gas Go?

2008-09-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

North Carolina, Georgia and Tennessee have all been affected by the gas shortage. Big Brother is blaming it on the hurricanes in Texas. Something about our pipeline was affected…yadda…yadda…yadda. But, some how we seem to get gas at 8pm and run out by 2am. Gas has become more important than food. Everyone is frantic and stressed out. I can imagine that soon people will be fighting over it and stealing from their neighbors.

News in Charlotte stated that there have been a few violent altercations at gas pumps. Some were so bad that they had to shut down gas stations due to fighting.

“People were cutting the line and getting frustrated. Several arguments were sparked,” advised Kellie, a Charlotte resident.

“I literally waited 2 hours in line for gas,” stated Nick, a Charlotte resident. Many people in the Charlotte area are making these comments. Some people have simply just ran out and left their cars wherever they died.

Everyone I’ve talked to pretty much thinks it’s some kind of conspiracy and simply another ploy to make people buy expensive gas. I am calling it a wake up call. The economy is already bad and this has made it worse. Everyone has to vote.

What do you do when you over draft on two accounts?

2008-09-25T07:31:00.000-07:00

Cry. And consider yourself an idiot. I have a job. I have an education. I have supportive parents. Why can’t I get it together? Why am I so careless? I don’t buy anything. I really have no new clothes. But, I love to eat. So, I eat lunch out every day. Does that make me a bad person? Can I have some luxuries? I guess not.

I moved to a cheaper city. I have lower rent. I make more money than I’ve ever made. But, everything is falling a part. I need gas. Charlotte has no gas and then when I find it and its $30 dollars a gallon. I can go to all the people who owe me and collect. But I know If I am doing bad they are doing worse. This one is pregnant. This one is living with their mom. This one has two jobs and this one is selling weed to make it. Are we going to make it? Yes, we have too.

Being an adult is a mess. People ask why you are blue. Is it your boyfriend? Is it your job? No, I love them both…even though neither give me enough support.
I could burn bills but they will always come back. My student loans that I still question haunt me. Education. Is it really worth it? I have two degrees and still have a job where you don't need one. Forgive me I'm venting. I guess the responsible alternative would be to create a budget. Or, get another job. Or, get married to a man who has money. Or, get some thug motivation and get more money.

As a disclaimer I know we are living in a trying time. The economy is bad. The country is at war. Companies are closing up shop, going bankrupt or overseas. Everything is trickling down and now it’s affecting me. And, there are pluses to these minuses. There’s less traffic on the interstate. I actually have a secure job. I have my health. I can truly relate to every Hip Hop song that relates to “Hustlin.” Rick Ross I AM FEELING YOU. Which are all factors for potential and growth.

In retrospect, I am thinking about my recklessness, driving long distances to see my boo, getting my hair done, getting a colonic, buying all those drinks, getting that outfit or pair of shoes instead of saving. But, damn I have to live. I know I have to deal with this…maybe tomorrow. For today I think I’ll shut off all my phones, curl in the bed, read a good book or go buy one and get another $35 overdraft charge!!!! Naw, I’ll think I’ll save that for more gas.

How To Make Your Mechanic Feel Sorry For You By Crying

2008-09-14T15:13:00.000-07:00

I have had a time with my car. She is a Ford. So, you know that can go either way. Majority of the time she gets me where I need to go, but here lately she’s been hiccupping.

My car has been to the mechanic twice in the last two weeks. The first instance was when my windshield wipers decided to lock on me during a monsoon. I was literally driving in my car mining my own business when all of a sudden I couldn’t see a thing...only water. So, I am on the highway going 85 and boom I can’t see. So, miraculously I get to the side of the highway and think about how I am going to get to work.

My mind raced. I didn’t want to leave my car on the highway. I had to get to work. No one was answering their phone because they were on their way to work. So, I decided to roll my window down and wipe down my front window as I drove. I literally drove with half my body out of the car in the middle of a tsunami.

To an outsider it had to be hilarious. And, everyone one on the road got out of my way. By the time I got to work, I was drenched and exhausted. Called the mechanic and got the windshield wiper fixed for $140. The mechanic had a really great technical reason why it cost so much and I went for it.

So, a week later my car breaks down at home and literally dies every time I crank her up. So, again she goes to the mechanic. I get her fixed. I pay $380 and decided if I ever became a rapper that would be my stage name. I still can’t remember what they said was wrong with her.

Anyway, Charlotte has a gas shortage and of course I pick my car up from the mechanic and she is on E so I drive all over Charlotte looking for gas. I finally get some and tarry home. So, that happened.

The next day I drive to church. I drive to Trader Joes’. I drive to IHOP to meet a friend for breakfast food. And, my car breaks down. I am in the car crying my eyes out. I had to calm down to even call Geico to come and rescue me. I stopped a police officer with all my tears and ask him if he knows how to fix cars. And he says “I don’t know anything about cars but I can call you a tow.” I was mad at him. Shouldn’t police officers take a mechanic class at the academy? Hello. Highway patrol.

So, my friend comes, we eat; and she leaves and four hours later the tow truck guy comes to relieve me. By this time, I am dazed and confused because I have really bad cramps and forgot my Motrin and still on antibiotics for having MRSA. Plus, the laxative-flush tea I drank the night before was beginning to kick in. Go figure. I am still asking God what I am supposed to be learning.

So, tomorrow is my big day to call the mechanic and figure out why my car won’t start. I have decided to cry. I am going to muster up enough anxiety to lay it on thick. I’ve been practicing all night and pray it will work. I know whatever they do will only take 15 minutes and the part is probably really $4.50. Haven’t I been through enough? So, I will use my tears. It has worked before and will work again. Stay Tuned.

OMG! It Has Been Two Days and He Hasn't Returned Your Call

2008-09-13T21:15:00.000-07:00

What to do when the love of your life doesn’t call you back? What to do when you are being rejected? There are a million things you can do. You can cry. You can write emails and letters. You can call all your friends and family and tell the world. Or, you can just be patient and realize that the games have just begun.

If you experience the above emotions, do not send the letters or emails. And, do not let him know you have cried over this. And, only tell one friend about it. Only tell the friend who won’t remind you of it every five seconds. Sometimes having to many heads in the pot will cause even more anxiety about the matter.

Next, you have to give him what he gives you. But, don’t be deliberate. Call him a few more times to see if he responds and then if you get no feedback fall off the planet. DO NOT CALL.

If he calls you, do not call him back immediately. Wait a few hours or if you are really strong wait a few days. This will ignite “the animalistic seek and conquer” in him. He will wonder about where you are and why you didn’t call. Become aloof. When you finally talk to him and he asks you what’s been up. Tell him you went out of town or have “just been busy.” Don’t tell him you have been sitting around waiting on him. That will make you very unattractive.

Truly treat him like you don’t like him and he will love you. It takes real will power though. It is so hard but if you can hold out for a few days and OMG a week. You will have the ball in your court. Games are horrible, but sometimes they have to be played. Point blank treat him as you would treat a man you don’t like and he will turn around.